i have come to realize over the years that i am a professional auditioner. and even more so, i have realized that acting is all about auditioning and auditioning is all about being a product… one that is to be refined, packaged and marketed expertly. auditioning begins with ‘type’, that translates into how i look and whether or not i fit the role… am i tall enough? too tall? do i need to be more blonde? Brunette? am i skinny enough? have i worked out enough? can i be sexy? can i be nerdy? can i be french? am i too young? too old? do i look like i could be the daughter of the ‘mom’ that was already cast? ugh. it is a miracle that i don’t have a personality disorder.
being an actor is like begging to be back on recess where you are rarely picked to play wall-ball or called over during red-rover (or was that just me???) i have a love/hate relationship with the game of auditioning, it’s recess torture for adults and can be very disappointing at times, yet other times, it is the most rewarding experience imaginable. in the end i have come to realize that fitting the ‘type’ of a role gets you an audition, but it’s talent that gets you the callback. if i get a callback i am doing my job right… this is how i stay sane and positive. it is the key to my auditioning and acting happiness!
i have been doing a lot of baking lately! i’d like to blame it on the fact that i have the perfect peaches. peaches that would make an amazing cream peach pie (my favorite) and i just cannot waste such deliciousness, but in reality, it comes down to the necessity of a distraction. distraction from the fact that i haven’t been auditioning all that much lately and i need to keep from calling my agent and venting about the lack of 18-22 year old roles, or the whole rampage of “what is wrong with me, why don’t they like me??” ugh! i can’t take it any longer. so to pass the time and to keep from annoying my poor agent, i have been putting my tiny kitchen and gluten free flours to good use!
it’s an audition dry spell and i am not happy about it, but it’s all part of the roller-coaster. i am dying when i am waiting to hear about a callback, dying to be put on ‘avail’, dying if i am released from ‘avail’, dying (of happiness) if i booking the job and dying if i hear nothing … i become a train wreck! i can’t think about or talk about anything else, i drive everyone around me crazy. yet, on the other hand i am dying when i am not auditioning. my life revolves around auditions. am i getting enough, am i doing them well, do they like me, why didn’t i book the role, how can i be better? it is all very tumultuous. luckily i have finally found a way to to ease the stress of it all (not 100% efficient but i found that this mindset leads to less tears and fewer self-destructive thoughts), i have to take a step back and not take it personally. my job is to get the callback and if that happens, i have done my job well. from there it is up to the director, the client and/or network to pick me (fingers crossed). so while i am waiting for either an audition or a call i bake and bake and then i eat.
hmmmmmm time to pass the goodies off to some friends, having such yumminess at hand is dangerous.