i am a professional auditioner

i have come to realize over the years that i am a professional auditioner. and even more so, i have realized that acting is all about auditioning and auditioning is all about being a product… one that is to be refined, packaged and marketed expertly. auditioning begins with ‘type’, that translates into how i look and whether or not i fit the role… am i tall enough? too tall? do i need to be more blonde? Brunette? am i skinny enough? have i worked out enough? can i be sexy? can i be nerdy? can i be french? am i too young? too old? do i look like i could be the daughter of the ‘mom’ that was already cast? ugh. it is a miracle that i don’t have a personality disorder.

being an actor is like begging to be back on recess where you are rarely picked to play wall-ball or called over during red-rover (or was that just me???) i have a love/hate relationship with the game of auditioning, it’s recess torture for adults and can be very disappointing at times, yet other times, it is the most rewarding experience imaginable. in the end i have come to realize that fitting the ‘type’ of a role gets you an audition, but it’s talent that gets you the callback. if i get a callback i am doing my job right… this is how i stay sane and positive. it is the key to my auditioning and acting happiness!



seizing 2013

ten days into the new year and the adventures are already piling up. so far, i have survived turning 25, been at what felt like deaths’ door with the flu and sent off my first contract of 2013 to my agent. however, this is just the beginning and with the year so fresh, it is easy to be optimistic. optimistic about my career, about my resolution, about making this year unforgettable and pushing myself even more as an actor and person. there is just so much to be done and it seems a little more than daunting! now, more than ever, it is the perfect time to up my game. just like any new year, there are ideas about getting fit, nailing more auditions, booking more jobs and making an impact… and i couldn’t be more excited!


i am itching to get going… there is a lot on the horizon and it’s time to seize the day (everyday).


getting my bake on

i have been doing a lot of baking lately! i’d like to blame it on the fact that i have the perfect peaches. peaches that would make an amazing cream peach pie (my favorite) and i just cannot waste such deliciousness, but in reality, it comes down to the necessity of a distraction. distraction from the fact that i haven’t been auditioning all that much lately and i need to keep from calling my agent and venting about the lack of 18-22 year old roles, or the whole rampage of “what is wrong with me, why don’t they like me??” ugh! i can’t take it any longer. so to pass the time and to keep from annoying my poor agent, i have been putting my tiny kitchen and gluten free flours to good use!

it’s an audition dry spell and i am not happy about it, but it’s all part of the roller-coaster. i am dying when i am waiting to hear about a callback, dying to be put on ‘avail’, dying if i am released from ‘avail’, dying (of happiness) if i booking the job and dying if i hear nothing … i become a train wreck!  i can’t think about or talk about anything else, i drive everyone around me crazy. yet, on the other hand i am dying when i am not auditioning. my life revolves around auditions. am i getting enough, am i doing them well, do they like me, why didn’t i book the role, how can i be better?  it is all very tumultuous. luckily i have finally found a way to to ease the stress of it all (not 100% efficient but i found that this mindset leads to less tears and fewer self-destructive thoughts), i have to take a step back and not take it personally.  my job is to get the callback and if that happens, i have done my job well. from there it is up to the director, the client and/or network to pick me (fingers crossed). so while i am waiting for either an audition or a call i bake and bake and then i eat.

hmmmmmm time to pass the goodies off to some friends, having such yumminess at hand is dangerous.

the slings and arrows of outrageous anticipation…

here is a little story about my first role on television…  i had been dreaming of this day for years and years.  landing a role of any merit and being able to call myself a real live “working actor” was all that i talked about, thought about and dreamt about.  a role on TV would be hitting the big time and from there i would be unstoppable.

it all started months ago when i went in to my millionth audition, this round, it was for a 17 year old cheerleader on an episode of TNT’s ‘leverage’.  17 i am not.  and since the only schools i had ever attended were art schools, the closest i have ever come to a cheerleader was my teenage obsession with ‘bring it on’ but hey, i wanted this role, i was made for this role, and i was going to kill my audition leaving them no choice but to book me… and much to my surprise i booked the job!

the first day on the set of ‘leverage’ was the biggest day of my life! excited beyond belief, i show up for my first day doing my darnedest to remain cool, calm and collected (i’m now a professional, remember?), spent a lot of time in my trailer waiting, going over and over lines, sneaking a peak outside from time to time and hoping i was doing everything ‘right’. then came the knock on my little door… time to go.  i pile into the oversized van and sit there script in hand trying to smile through my fear and holding back the screams of excitement.  then the leads of the show pile in… ohmigosh! this is really happening! finally, 3 blocks later, we arrive at set (i guess actors can’t be trusted to walk?).  it’s cold in the basement, huddling in corner in my giant parka next to the mini heater i am given a nugget of advice from the stars, “listen and have fun.”

wheeeeee let the games begin! between takes i have to pinch myself to remember that this is actually happening… i am laughing with the cast and crew… i am in with the cool kids! sadly the four days of filming in the magic wonderland went by too fast and i was thrown back into the ‘real world’ where i have a day job and my green tea and veggie scramble isn’t brought to the hair and make-up trailer while my hair goes from bed-head to fabulous and my face suddenly has a healthy glow to it. ugh! the real world sucks.

annnyyyyywayyy… last weekend marked the debut of my face in the little screen and i have never been a bigger bundle of nerves.  i wanted to watch the episode, i didn’t want to watch the episode, i did, i didn’t… i did?  ah!  what if i look fat or was all acty or what if i was terrible or what if they cut out all of my scenes? it was a never ending flurry of freaking outs, anxiety and excitement.  in the end i was convinced by my very supportive friends and boyfriend that the only thing to do was drink some bubbly, eat delicious cheese and watch my little mile marker.  the time came for us all to settle down in front of the television and although i wanted to ostrich my head into the carpet i was actually watchable, yay.  no tears, no agony and no overwhelming embarrassment… i survived!

waaa-baaam! i’m finally a real life actor.